What Your Body Is Saying When You Flirt, Part 2
April 1, 2009 by Joseph Matthews
Filed under Dating Tips
As promised, here is the second part of this. I’ll be writing an entire series on the subject of flirting.
In the last article in this series, I wrote about how eyes are integral to flirting. In this article, I’ll cover PROXIMITY and how it can effect your outcome!
So you’ve done the silent dance that takes place with her eyes and yours. She’s sent signals indicating she’s interested, and it’s time to move in.
So you move in, and immediately you start to wonder… “how close should I stand?”
That’s a good question.
The general answer is, to start: about 4 feet.
Why four feet?
In North America, that’s the standard safe distance. It’s about 2 small steps away. If you crowd into her immediately, she might get uncomfortable, and really quickly. And if you are paying attention, you’ll notice it as well.
In other countries, the distance varies. In the Mediterranean and Latin American countries, the distance is smaller. In Northern Europe and England, it’s wider.
You can test this next time you speak to a woman. Creep slowly closer too quickly, and watch her reaction. Her body language will start to show subtle shifts.
Eventually, however, you will move closer together. When is it time to do so? It’s whenever you start gaining a verbal rapport. She’ll loosen up, be playful, and you can start in with touching her. I always recommend paying attention to her body language.
The key is to see if she becomes more inviting. It will be obvious when she does, IF you are paying attention to the signs she’s giving you, and being objective about it. I’ll get more into body language at a later date, but I encourage you, in the meantime, to watch it closely, not only in your encounters, but the successful encounters you see out in the real world.
So what happens when you get too close? Again, the body language, along with her demeanor, will make this apparent. For example, if she folds her arms or legs, tightly, while facing your direction, that’s a really good warning sign.
If that happens, back off a bit. Take a half step back, straighten your posture, and watch how she reacts to you. She might loosen up a bit, and at that time, continue with the flirting, but ease into it.
Sometimes, when you get too close, she can become completely spooked. She’ll want to get away. If that happens, don’t worry, just chalk it up as a loss and move on to the next woman. It’s all part of the learning process.
Are there exceptions to the four foot rule? Absolutely. The first one has to do with location. If you are in a tightly packed bar, you can stand closer generally, as personal space has shrunk for everyone.
Other exceptions include alcohol usage (people’s personal space shrinks while drinking.), and the person’s social nature. An extrovert will have less issue with someone coming too close than an introvert. Just watch for the signs.
I advise playing with this concept to get a feel for it. Once you understand it, your flirting will be far smoother, and in turn, better!