Tips On Dating Someone With Children
August 30, 2009 by Shawn Wilson
Filed under Dating Sites
There is no longer any doubt that internet dating is convenient. Within the space of a few years it has gone from being a fad to socially legitimate dating option. It’s no wonder! You can log in from anywhere at any time and browse hundreds of potential dates in a matter of minutes. Built in communication tools allow you to email, chat and even video chat; all at the touch of a button.
We all have a limited amount of spare time. And one of the most commons reasons, or so I understand, is having children. I call them biology’s little time consumers. Lest I represent myself, I want to make it clear; I do NOT have children. I don’t pretend to have the knowledge to write an advice piece on what it is like to be a single parent as it relates to romance and sex.
Though I do NOT have kids of my own, I do have single parent friends. I’ have also been known to dip my toes in the single daddy pool once or twice. From that, I have acquired a little experience about the ins and outs of dating someone who has children which I share with you now.
Like kids
Seriously. If you don’t like kids, don’t want kids, have no real desire to be around kids, I would think twice before agreeing to go out with someone already packing reproductive baggage. Guess what? They aren’t going anywhere. Yes, there’s always the possibility of you coming around and becoming endeared to these specific children and there’s nothing wrong with testing those waters. Just beware: if you don’t like kids, don’t get attached to your new sweetie too quickly.
Be prepared to be second best at all times
New parents are often overheard saying that they thought they could never love someone more than their spouse; until they had a baby. That new bundle of joy just took over their heart. That’s just the way biology works. Dating someone who has strong emotional ties to someone else, in this case their child(ren), you need to be realistic and put your ego on the back burner. Their children come first, always.
Children have a Mom AND a Dad
So lucky you have met an amazing guy. He’s funny, he’s smart, he’s hard working AND he’s good looking! You’re smitten. His five year old is adorable and lo and behold the little darlin’ thinks you’re just great. Then you meet The Mother. No, I’m not talking about his mother. It’s scarier than that; it’s The Baby Mama.
It is rumored that separated parents can, and do, have a very respectful and amicable relationship. Let’s hope that’s the case here so you can breathe a tentative sigh of relief. If no one has ever told you before, be prepared for baggage no matter how well the parents get along. And for the sake of the child, hope and pray that the other parent will always be around for them.
Really, all of these points can be summed up by saying: be secure. That’s the bottom line. Between dealing with still-around exes, coming in second place in your significant others priority list, and dealing with the sometimes bumbling awkwardness of becoming acclimated to dealing with kids, an insecure person will see those insecurities magnified.
If you don’t confront and overcome those insecurities, the relationship won’t last. If you’re lucky, you will find yourself with someone who empathizes with your position, and can hold your hand through the tricky parts.
I have heard of women being obsessed with the idea of being pregnant (usually young women), but is there something kind of similar for men? Someone obsessed with dating women with children. My boyfriend is 26, and I am the first woman he has dated who hasn’t had children. (He dated women ages 18-25, all had children) It just seems odd to me, like someone obsessed with being a father. Is there something out there like that?