Three Things You Never Talk About On A First Date
August 19, 2009 by Astrid Engels
Filed under Dating Sites
When creating an internet dating profile it’s all about putting your best cyber-foot forward. All your wit, charm and intelligence wrapped up in a few paragraphs. So why is it that people who can write such great dating profiles cannot seem to carry that same editing over to actual “live” dating?
Perhaps its the hormones. Those silly chemicals, making us all nervous and happy and giggly and, oh yeah, completely (apparently) incapable of discerning what constitutes appropriate dating conversation.
I’m not talking about appropriate in the sense of what is right and what is wrong. There is no right or wrong. Provided you are yourself and take things as they come, you have probably figured out what works for you and what doesn’t.
Having said that, appropriate first date conversations are ones that, like your internet dating profile, showcase you at your best. Unfortunately I’ve heard so many first date conversation horror stories I’m practically an expert. Trust me, verbal landmines are everywhere, and they’ll put a big black mark on what was an otherwise favorable first impression.
I present for you three things that you definitely should NOT talk about on a first date. I apologize if they seem obvious, but hey, remember the hormones? Perhaps if I write them down we can all memorize them and, hopefully, remember them come the next first date.
Previous Relationships
Talk about exes tops the list. It’s not only the most common first date conversational mistake one can make, it’s also the most harmful. It’s a given that most people have a dating and relationship history, that’s not an issue. Each of us has to decide for ourselves when we’ve healed enough from that previous relationship to start dating again.
Just because your last relationship breakup was a very painful one is no reason to bring it up on your first date with someone new. It’ll take your train off the rails before it even has a chance to leave the station. Things go wrong in a relationship, we all get that. But leave discussing it for the future, not the first date.
Your family
Save the drama for a later (much later!) date. First dates are about fun and cheerful. By all means talk about where your parents live and how many brothers and sisters you have. Don’t even think about mentioning Mom’s ongoing depression and Dad’s drug dependency. There’s no need to lie; just keep it positive. Bring it up now and you’ll only scare your date away by making him or her afraid of your family, and potentially of you.
Getting Married and Having Children
In a word, don’t! Ever! Under no circumstances should you talk about your deadline for getting married, what kind of person you want to marry, and the fact that you have your wedding details all planned; all that’s missing is the partner.
You will also NOT talk about how many babies you want to have and when you want to have them. Though not everyone is turned off by talk of babies, why risk it so early on? If this is meant to be there will be plenty of time for discussion later.
So those are the big three. Some experts advocate staying away from religion and politics; advice with which I disagree. Healthy adults should be able to have an intelligent and open conversation about both of these topics. If they’re too set in their ways or uptight about either, then ask yourself if you really want to date them.