The Secret to Happiness is Connection
April 28, 2009 by Masami Sato
Filed under Dating Sites
Why do we live? What are we here for? Day after day we asked these questions of the purpose and meaning of our lives. And most of us constantly look for the answer. How can we achieve happiness? This is yet another question urging us to look for its answer every day. What if the answer to those questions is simple? What if it is all simply about ONE thing? Connection. The secret of happiness is explained thoroughly in the clear and refreshing voice of Masami Sato in this excerpt of her book, ONE.
What are we looking for?
There are a host of things that we do in our lives.
But have we ever thought about why we do what we do? What are we really looking for?
The world now is full of billions of us coming from different races, countries, religions and beliefs all doing different things. We all look different and act quite differently. We have different interest and attitude from others. We communicate differently often using different languages. We have different desire and feelings.
Nevertheless, if there was ONE thing that ALL of us are searching for, what could that be?
While I journeyed all over the world, I asked people a seemingly straightforward question, “What would you like to achieve in your life? What do you really want?”
At first, it looked as if people were in search of different things, as they gave casual answers like “A nice partner”, “Good job”, “My own house”, “A loving family”, “A perfect mate”, “More money”, “Financial Freedom”, “Peace of mind”, or “Meaning of life”. There were other similar answers as well.
I actually noticed that some of these things are temporal desires and some are more permanent desires. Temporal desire means we want it because we do not have it yet or we don’t think we have it yet. On the other hand, permanent desire is not about attaining things we do not have. It is about the ‘feeling’ we seek so this does not end no matter what we get or achieve at each moment of our life.
If one could just remove all earthly desires from our list and look at only permanent desires, it would be obvious that we just want to continue feeling positive sensations like excitement, happiness, inspiration, motivation, munificence, affection, joy etc. – put in other words, we want to continue being happy.
Delightfulness
Delightfulness is a state of emotion that every one us are longing to experience. Every one of us may define it in a different way. We may even evaluate it differently. We may sense it at varied levels of intensity. But without doubt, we have something in general when delightfulness comes to us. And when we understand this secret about delightfulness, we hold the knowledge to become more delighted, and to make others around us too feel the same sensations.
The life that we are living is a mystery. We all may love it in one way or another. We may also disapprove of it in different ways. We may ask questions about it. We may value it immensely. Or we may just have it, in a nonchalant manner. But what exactly is the purpose of our life? What if the very truth of our existence is about to be revealed? What if this truth really brings us happiness and satisfaction when we discover it?
What if the essence of the aim of our lives, and its joys, is as simple as this:
It is all about relationship.
Connection is everything
Everything is about connecting. Everything is part of everything else. If we look at our own life, it says it all. Then we will start to see the real purpose of our life.
Why do we do anything, ANYTHING at all, in life as humans?
It is mainly because we want to bond more and more. We make fiends to feel bonded. We get married for bonding with another person in a firm and lasting manner. We raise a family to feel even more bonded. We go out and meet people to bond well with them, not only for getting advantages out of that bonding, but also to feel more bound to the world.
We buy nice clothes and go to a hairdresser to feel more connected to our sense of aesthetics and to our own physical beauty. We eat a variety of food to feel more connected to our sense of taste and smell. We dine out to feel connected to the people we share the meals with. We buy mobile phones and computers to connect with others and the world. We read newspapers and magazines to stay connected to what is happening and what others are doing and feeling. We study and learn to connect with what others know and value.
Every single thing we do is to satisfy the need for connection. If we’re not connected to our own body, we don’t even have to eat and sleep. Our connection to all our senses tells us to do something to satisfy the demand of the body. We feel pain and discomfort if we ignore the signals of our own body. And beyond our basic needs, we seek a greater sense of connection – connection to our existence – connection to our purpose. And without that connection, it’s empty. Just like the emptiness many of us feel inside when we’re not even connected to ourselves. That simply cannot be the natural way we’re designed to live our lives.
Bonds are powerful, and yet they are fragile and tender
When we cannot feel the intimacy in a relationship, we opt for separation, divorce, quarrels, judgement, and disapproval. It never feels good to lose the intimacy in a relationship. Nevertheless, it is possible to fall in love with someone one day and fall out of love with the same person the next day. The feeling can alter just by a flick of a finger. And the flick might be by your finger or theirs!
When the bonds are not there
When the relationship is not there, we start seeing problems. We start seeing differences and hindrances. We start sitting upon judgement of others and disapproving them. We exaggerate, concentrate upon, and give energy to such things that we see as problems. Under such a scenario, these problems might turn inwards and inflict pain and disapproval on ourselves. We cannot be fully happy when we have no associations with anything.
Bonding: the Secret to Happiness
What if we choose to perceive the entire thing in reverse? When we do that we understand this simple truth: we cannot feel despondent when we are in a strong relationship. It is simply not possible!
Try to feel unhappy when we’re feeling connected to the people around us and laughing and sharing wholeheartedly together. Even when we have so-called ‘problems’ in life, we can still laugh together and feel happy and positive when we are feeling connected. At the same time, it is very difficult to enjoy anything if we’re not feeling connected.
Connection: Our Life
Relationship is the core of everything. That is what life is. Relationship.
Things are just a combination of smaller parts. Things connect together to form a greater whole; the way our bodies are collections of smaller units, cells, organs, molecules and atoms.
Our acts and options also is an expression of the need for a relationship. We are meant to continuously find out ways to relate to each other and to a higher objective.
Relationship and Religion
Some of us choose to be part of different religions to feel more connected. The connection they seek could be to God. It could be to the people with the same belief. When we share the same belief, it creates a stronger sense of bonding within that group of people. More giving happens naturally among people who are feeling connected to each other.
Bonding and Business
Many people begin an enterprise to feel better bonded to themselves by being in control of their fate. But often in the entrepreneurial world, we end up being more and more segregated especially when we start viewing other ventures as contenders, staff as instruments and customers as a money flow. But the basic point of why we got into the venture was to feel the power of that bonding. So, why do we need to fashion that disconnection at all? May be in the perfect world, all business ventures worked differently, but hand in hand.
Relationship and Wars
Some of us even raise arguments or wars to feel some sense of ‘triumph’ or what is a heightened sense of safety and importance. But strangely, this ricochets. The minute we ‘win’ the fight, we are in fact weakening the relationship. We now require more sureness to defend ourselves from being assaulted by others. We thus end up being more unsure and frightened. We cannot take it lightly as it really happens to almost all of us in one form or another.
It could be the disagreements we have with the people around us. It may be the wrong assessment we make when we feel that something or someone is not right. When we make an attempt to be the only one to succeed, we can never succeed in the real way – we feel not connected. We can really enjoy the success when we succeed along with others. Then we will feel the strength of the relationship.
Despite the varied ways in which our needs are expressed, everything we do is to satisfy the yearning we have to feel and have a strong relationship.
The real sense of connection comes only through our heart. We can connect with anybody when we are truly caring for them and feeling connected with them. If we know this, creating the desired state is actually simple, easy and fun. Then we would naturally experience more happiness and joy.
Life is a sport. We feel things and do things in a grand game but in reality the aim of any game is the pleasure we get out of it. It is not about doing something or having something. When the sports finally end, the winners are only the ones who have derived pleasure from the game. Not the ones who had more at the final tally. The upshots and end results of the sports in which we participate do not affect our actual life. But if we lost all our friends to participate in a game just because we wanted to win in that round, would it lead us to a lasting victory?
It is easy to make out this in the background of competing in sports, but we often do not realize it in the sports and games of real life. We forget so fast that life is also a form of sports.
Even if we don’t know when this game actually started and when it would end, we know that it somehow started in the past and it will end someday. When we close the lid of the game box eventually one day, can we simply say, “Wow, it was so much fun. Let’s play again!”
In this game called life, the aim of the game is to ‘connect’. We can keep connecting until we all become one. It is the only way to continuously feel connected to our purpose-sense of happiness and joy. We cannot feel disconnected to anything or deny and judge even one thing if we are to achieve the state of total connection.
Life is as easy as that. There is only ONE secret.
And the secret is to establish a relationship.
To turn into ONE
To find pleasure.