Silent Flirting: What Your Body Language Is Saying About You, Part 4
April 16, 2009 by Joseph Matthews
Filed under Dating Tips
In continuing with the series on flirting, here’s the next article on an often forgotten aspect of flirting – the gestures you use!
Generally, people focus on what they are saying, or will say, rather than pay attention to what is happening around them.
And that often leads to a blown attempt at a pick up!
So what part do our gestures play?
They go hand in hand with our posture, and are sending non verbal messages to the person we are focusing on. They show our interest in the other person, and likewise will show us if it’s being reciprocated.
It also ties in with our energy levels – it’s the way we put energy into the conversation. If you are lively, you will likely be more animated in your gestures than if you are preoccupied.
In this way, gestures (and the accompanying energy level) can be both a curse and a blessing. Poor energy, low level gestures can betray the words we speak. High energy, lively gestures are infectuous!
It’s a do or don’t situation. Either way, if you don’t decide on what gestures to use, your mind will go ahead and do it for you. You can naturally get into a groove, but if you DON’T, then you have to change that yourself.
So what gestures can we learn to use that will come off as natural and spontaneous? That’s a great question.
Watch two people in deep rapport. They’ll maneuver with their hands at the end of the sentence, sometimes with a point. They’ll tilt their heads, or nod in agreement.
These are all great gestures! The main thing with these is that they will occur naturally when you get into rapport with another person.
There are many gestures you’ll notice if you watch, but for now let’s pay attention to the simplest of them – the nod. It may seem like nothing, but it is a tremendous conversation regulator! Master it and you will find it an effective method of gaining rapport as well.
The key is to use single quick nods, for the most part. They will be helpful in keeping someone talking to you.
Other nods are helpful in different ways, and some have the effect of interrupting the flow of the conversation. A quick double nod will speed up the conversation, while a triple nod or slow single nod will more than likely interrupt it. Keep away from those for most part.
Other gestures to watch for are nervous type gestures, such as hand clasping or wringing. Palm rubbing fits in this category. Again, they are infectuous; the other person might become anxious as well.
A controllable part of this trait is the DIRECTION which you point your hands. Poiting towards yourself heightens the nervousness. Pointing away from yourself actually shows confidence! You can guess which is better.
Make an effort to start using gestures that point outward. Over time they will become habit. As well, watch the gestures of the person you are flirting with – they are great indicators, and by having a stronger presence, you can actually put someone at ease with your gestures!
Another VERY powerful technique is to slowly synchronize your gestures with the person you are flirting with. Now, if things just naturally go right, it will probably happen anyhow, but by actually attempting to get into the flow, you are going to build a greater rapport than ANY words could possibly build!
This type of synchronization will allow you to take a nervous, awkward conversation and turn it around very quickly.
When it does happen, it’s a sign of comfort. And from there, you can move on in your advances.
Take the time to master these techniques – they are extraordinarily powerful.
In the coming article, I’ll show you how your facial expressions have a tremendous effect on your flirting!