My Five Personal Secrets to Make Your Relationship Work Long Term
April 9, 2010 by Sarah Scott
Filed under Free Dating
One thing is for sure, and that is that relationships certainly aren’t easy. Simply taking two completely unique people and tossing them together all their habits is bound to result in at least a little friction. Learning the secrets of making a relationship work is very critical. You can always work things out no matter what stage things are at. Follow these five steps to help create a sturdy base for your relationship.
The first step is honesty. It’s no shocker that strong relationships that stand the test of time are grounded in honesty. It is essential that both people in the relationship need to be honest with each other. This obviously includes the big things like money, and infidelity, but it is also important to remain honest about small things as well. Even tiny little lies that we keep from our partners can have a negative impact on our relationships. Try to think of it this way: Every time you hold something back from your partner, that is just a little bit of yourself that you cannot bring to loving them. After awhile, these things will begin to build up to larger issues. Then you find yourself one day completely alienated and unable to feel for your partner.
The second tip is integrity. This requires keeping your word and following up on your promises. Just like the first point, you have to watch the small things not just the major commitments. Every time a promise is broken, it will take away from the trust in the relationship and contribute to a mounting pile of resentment, which will only cause the relationship to crumble. What you should learn from this is to only promise things to your partner that you plan on following through on. If you have doubts that you will be able to do something, tell your partner and be honest about it.
Third, take an interest in your partner’s hobbies. Relationships need a little work and effort to maintain. Odds are good that your partner has a few hobbies that you do not feel as passionate about as they do. Try to compromise every once in awhile and do things with your partner that you might not personally be interested in. Your boyfriend probably knows that you’re not really interested in watching football or hearing him talk about his hunting trip. When you let him express himself (without grumbling about it), you send him a message that you care about his happiness.
Fourth, see all the good qualities in your partner. Yes, it is true that no one is perfect, but when you put all your focus on the small annoyances you not only make your partner feel bad, but you might even begin to wonder if you should be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t remember to take out the trash or fill up to gas tank. Instead remember those times he said something that instantly made you feel better or comforted you when you were sad. When you remind yourself of all your partner’s good qualities you are helping establish a foundation that will help your relationship last long-term.
Finally, make the effort to really listen to your partner. You shouldn’t feel as if you have to make everything better. We all benefit from voicing our feelings and it really is helpful to have our partner there to share them with. Get in the habit of just listening to what your partner tells you without trying to judge or criticize. Just listen with curiosity without trying to fix his problems or make things better. Knowing how to make a relationship work is, at the core of it, just learning to love and accept your partner fully without demanding that he be something else.
If you liked this article and would like to discover more things you can do to help save your relationship, check out Saving a Relationship and How to Stop a Break Up.