Just Divorced Dating Can Be Risky
October 2, 2009 by Agony Aunt
Filed under Dating Sites
Knowing the situation you are walking into is always a good idea, it makes it easier to deal with any problems that life may throw you. This is especially true if you have just undergone a lot of emotional stress, a divorce for example.
Dating is supposed to be fun, it doesn’t have to lead to any long term commitments it can just be fun for both parties. When you are newly divorced it can be very hard to realize it is all about having fun. Having fun is a big part of recovering your real self after the stress of a divorce.
Leaving any marriage causes stress to all parties concerned. It can be hard to leave that stress behind but you will need to if you are going to have any success on the dating scene.
When you are going on dates it is usually with someone that you know a little if at all. This can be an area of worry as there are people in this world who will take advantage of the vulnerable state you will be in so soon after a divorce. It is a tough balancing act between being open and trusting with the people you are dating and making sure that no one takes advantage of you.
Casual dating, that is what you should be aiming to partake of in the first few months after your divorce. Make sure that your date knows you are not looking to replace one life partner with another. This openness will help both of you deal with any difficult social situations you may encounter, it also means you do not have to go into depth about your ex-partner, your divorce or anything else that is to personal.
Sometimes your casual date will try and pry information of a more personal nature, sometimes it may be a genuinely caring behavior but usually it is just a form of nosiness. There are also some people who enjoy hearing about other peoples misery, be careful of these people as they will sometimes try and create drama in their lives and if you are dating them that means your life as well.
After many years of being married it can be very difficult to get back into the dating scene. You may feel that you no longer know the rules of dating, what topics are safe to talk about and what topics are not suitable for polite company. Talking about your hobbies, music and where you grew up is acceptable, how much money you make or what your divorce settlement was is not.
Be careful that you don’t use what should be a fun date as a unpaid for counseling or psychotherapy session. The person who agreed to go on a date with you expected a meal, maybe a dance or two, they did not sign up to spend a hour listening to your moans about your ex. It won’t help you get back into a happy, fruitful dating circle if you become known as someone who constantly moans at every one of your dates.