Flirting Without Speaking, Part 8
April 29, 2009 by Joseph Matthews
Filed under Dating Sites
Last article, I went over the powerful effect of touch, and it’s importance while flirting. In this article, I’ll go over how vocal signals are also a major part of nonverbal flirting too.
Hold on… how is this nonverbal, if it relates to the voice? Despite that, it doesn’t relate to the words you are using. Rather, it deals with the INFLECTION you use while speaking.
The distinction is important. Much of your first impression is based on HOW you say something, versus a small amount of it being based on WHAT you say. It’s drastically more important.
With that regard, it’s important to be able to read her vocal signals too. It’s quite possibly the stronger interest indicator we have, yet most people disregard this.
Let’s look at this – take a simple word, like “hello”. Now think of the different ways to say “hello”, in terms of inflection. You can say it in a manner of surprise, if you weren’t expecting to see that person wherever you are.
More importantly, you can say it in a manner that indicates interest. If you say hello in a drawn out manner, with a rising intonation at the end, think about what it says. Try it.
It can show you are interested. Now think about this. It will also show you if SHE is interested. She might say it in a flat, monotone voice. That’s not good. But if she smiles brightly and says hello, it generally is a positive thing.
Remember, always look for other signs to gauge this against. She might have a monotone voice or be somewhat of an unemotional person, so her intonation will come across as flat. She might also have a vibrant personality, and be overly friendly, so her response might not be what it seems. The best method of judging this is by watching how she reacts to others.
So what is with intonation? How does this work? The key to this is to read between the lines. It will become apparent after that. Hello can mean “You are insanely beautiful.” It can also mean “Get away, creep.” Look objectively and you’ll see what I mean.
Try practicing with a buddy. Take the word “yeah”, and try to make it mean as many things as possible. The general idea is to spot the inflection as it’s being spoken.
As well, you should take some time to examine your own voice. If you are monotone, work on becoming more lively with your voice. Do this by changing pace, the pitch, and the tone. It will improve how people view you almost IMMEDIATELY.
Your volume is important too. I you are too quiet, you will come across as a bit submissive and worse, frustrating to the listener, who might have to ask you to speak up.
But be sure to temper it. I’m sure you’ve dealt with a very loud person who had a pitch that was everywhere. They are obnoxious, and far worse than being monotone.
The idea is to balance all the parts correctly. This takes a bit of effort, but it is well worth it.
Another key element to remember is the use of intonation to allow a turn change. This is an important verbal cue that is forgotten more often than not.
If there is a rise or fall in the intonation by the other person, it is generally used to indicate that the person is done speaking and wishes the other person to speak.
Conversely, if you do the same, she might be expecting that you have finished speaking, and it is her turn.
Not heeding these signals can lead to bumpy conversations, even irritating enough to end them.
Again, with this, practice! Hold conversations with friends, and watch the conversations of others with an eye towards these cues.
It takes time, but you will eventually learn how to use your voice as a powerful instrument of success!
This is the last of the single articles on nonverbal flirting. Coming up, I’ll write some about verbal flirting, and putting all the pieces together, so keep reading!