Flirting Without Speaking, Part 2
March 30, 2009 by Joseph Matthews
Filed under Dating Tips
As promised, here is the second part of this. I’ll be writing an entire series on the subject of flirting.
Last article I wrote about how to use your eyes to flirt; in this one, I’ll show you the role of personal proximity in flirting, and just how important it can be.
So you’ve done the silent dance that takes place with her eyes and yours. She’s sent signals indicating she’s interested, and it’s time to move in.
So you move in, and immediately you start to wonder… “how close should I stand?”
That’s a good question.
The general answer is, to start: about 4 feet.
Why four feet?
It’s what has developed as a sort of standardized safe distance in North America. The distance is about 2 small steps away from her; get any closer and you might notice how uncomfortable she’ll get, if you pay attention.
Geographically speaking, the distance is shorter in southern coastal Europe and Latin America. In Northern Europe and England, it’s a bit further.
Test it out. Next time you are just starting to speak with a woman, move closer too soon. She might show some signs of being uncomfortable with it (more than likely she will). If you are too far away, however, she might even move closer to you! Just watch for subtle shifts.
Eventually, however, you will move closer together. When is it time to do so? It’s whenever you start gaining a verbal rapport. She’ll loosen up, be playful, and you can start in with touching her. I always recommend paying attention to her body language.
The key is to see if she becomes more inviting. It will be obvious when she does, IF you are paying attention to the signs she’s giving you, and being objective about it. I’ll get more into body language at a later date, but I encourage you, in the meantime, to watch it closely, not only in your encounters, but the successful encounters you see out in the real world.
So what happens when you get too close? Again, the body language, along with her demeanor, will make this apparent. For example, if she folds her arms or legs, tightly, while facing your direction, that’s a really good warning sign.
If that happens, back off a bit. Take a half step back, straighten your posture, and watch how she reacts to you. She might loosen up a bit, and at that time, continue with the flirting, but ease into it.
Sometimes, when you get too close, she can become completely spooked. She’ll want to get away. If that happens, don’t worry, just chalk it up as a loss and move on to the next woman. It’s all part of the learning process.
Are there exceptions to the four foot rule? Absolutely. The first one has to do with location. If you are in a tightly packed bar, you can stand closer generally, as personal space has shrunk for everyone.
There are other exceptions: the first being intoxication. If people around you are drunk, their personal space will shrink. Go to a packed bar while sober and you’ll notice this. The person’s social nature will have an effect too – an extrovert is less effected by someone creeping too close than an introvert is.
Work with the concept to see if you can get the hang of it. Once you do, you’ll be a better flirt!