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Making Eye Contact And Flirtation

February 17, 2010 by  
Filed under Free Dating

Controlling the direction and intensity of our gaze is a vital tool for women during flirting. In terms of nonverbal communication, it may be the most powerful weapon. For example, for two people who have yet to meet, the eyes are the bridge to establishing contact and signaling interest. Strong, consistent eye contact can have an effect on whether a man makes his move to pick up a woman.

Men notice eye contact either subconsciously or consciously because they believe it to be a real barometer of a woman’s intentions. They might thing that a woman can say nice things that are not true, but that the eyes are always telling the truth. A woman can use this to her advantage by managing the expressions conveyed by her eyes.

A woman who is very turned off by a man can show her lack of interest by looking away. The danger is that if she accidentally looks away even when she’s interested, perhaps because she is nervous, she may end up driving away a man who now thinks she’s completely disinterested. Therefore, a woman should be very careful about how she looks at everything when she’s in the midst of talking to a man. If she’s attracted to hi, she should ensure her focus is on him If she’s not attracted to him, she can start to make her gaze wander.

Skilled eye contact is not the same as an unending stare. Experts at dating have found that one should look at a conversational partner only about 30% of the time, while the other 70% should be directed in an unfocused direction. This is because an excessively long stare is somewhat uncomfortable to most of us. Each gaze should last only a few seconds, with some breaks in between to maintain greater naturalness.

Paul Ekman, the famous psychologist, has found that tiny microexpressions near the edges of the eye can give away whether a woman is really smiling or not. Some sensitive men probably read into these signals and make decisions based on them. If the smile is not genuine enough, they may be turned off. If the smile and the eyes match in signals, they may make extra effort to pick up the woman. Conversely, a woman may use this to her advantage. If she’s not interested in a woman, she can generate a false half smile without the correct microexpression of the eye to help emphasize her disinterest.

Conveying nonverbal signals with the eyes must be matched by attention to how they look aesthetically. Women who put too much mascara and eye shadow can take away from the impact of their eyes. Men may misinterpret signals. Women who don’t use enough make-up can also detract from their nonverbal messages. An appropriate balance is important.

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