Whirlwind Romances; Love Them Or Leave Them

You probably know someone, or at least read a book where this happens; two people meet, fall head over heels in love, and do something totally extreme. Like getting married while jumping out of an airplane or moving (running away??) to Greenland. While it sounds terribly romantic, is it really?

I’m of two minds about this one, probably because I’ve been there. In my younger, yet equally head strong, days, I completely lost it over a man who was 15 years older than me. We’d been dating for just three months when in a flurry of emotion I sublet my amazing apartment, packed my bags and moved in with him.

What happened next was the stuff of nightmares not romantic dreams. He attacked me. Though I’m kind of glib about it now, at the time I felt like my world had fallen apart. Not only was I loveless, I was homeless. And on top of all that, I’d started to doubt my own abilities about feelings and instincts. It happened so suddenly and so intensely it was as though I was watching myself in a movie.

Should I have been more discerning about what could possibly lie ahead? Perhaps. But seeing as how I did make it out alive, I’m not sure if I would do things any differently if I could go back. Sometimes putting a buffer on happenstances of the heart like this also puts a buffer on the amount of emotion you get to experience.

I think that’s the reasoning that many leaping before looking lovers provide: you take the good with the bad. And never sacrifice the good just to save yourself from potential bad. Otherwise, you’ll end up an old, sad sack of middle-ground. And life is too short to not be extreme from time to time.

Having said that there are two sides to this coin. I’m all about following your heart to unexpected places. You’ll have some amazing adventures. But, and it’s a big but, there’s a big difference between being someone who habitually falls deeply in and out of love and changes his or her whole life around on a whim, and being someone who drops everything for one once in a lifetime whirlwind romance.

I’ve dubbed people like this “love-bleweeds”. Like tumbleweeds, they make a life out of rolling and tumbling around. They build up a relationship and a life with someone only to uproot it months later. Then they reconfigure themselves when the next one comes along. If they do this long enough, they’ll forget what it’s like to be calm and comfortable. Nor will they be able to exercise any follow through whatsoever.

If people are actually happy like this, then more power to them. But there are casualties that surround someone who lives like this. Their friends, their coworkers, their neighbors, and perhaps even family and lovers are left in the wake when they drop everything at the sight of their next “soulmate”. Those left behind will have their own baggage to deal with.

It’s a rare thing full of unspeakable joy when you fall in love hard, fast and intense. You simply have to go for it. And if you’re really lucky, and you’ve had some experience, perhaps you’ll master doing so and keeping the rest of your life intact without having to sacrifice any of love’s intensity.

This article was developed by the staff of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can read thousands of professional dating articles.

Dating A Very Good Looking Person? Get A Handle On Your Insecurity

It is safe to say that Hollywood A-List actors Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will never have this problem. They are both extremely gorgeous people and they have the votes from around the world from gossip websites to well-known magazines to prove it.

Even if Brangelina weren’t a couple, with their looks they would be fending off suitors by the handful. It’s safe to assume they wouldn’t have to consider using an internet dating site!

Normally two good-looking people always grab the crowds’ attention, but what happens when you are the one dating a drop dead gorgeous mate? How would you handle it? Also if this has happened to you, did you handle it well?

When I was younger, I did date a man who was very handsome. There were even times I thought to myself, what was he doing with me? I mean, I was cute, but only in a girl next door way. He, on the other hand was quite good looking; very good looking to be exact. When we were together women would swoon. Guys would even look as we walked by.

But when we were out together, people looked at him, not at me. It wasn’t something I was used to. We didn’t date for long and although I was sad when we broke up, I was happy the relationship was over. I was simply too insecure to date someone better looking than myself.

When I stop and think about it, his looks weren’t the issue. How I dealt with them was. He was just a nice guy looking for love and he obviously found me attractive enough to date. I’d dreamed about the man with movie star looks since I was a teen, but now that I’d found him I didn’t know what to do with him. I couldn’t enjoy him for the funny person he was; his looks got in the way.

As I have grown older, I realize how silly I was then and that looks don’t really matter. It is the first thing that we see when meeting someone but once you talk the personality and things you have in common are going to be the things that take you to the next level.

Well life has given me a second chance. I’m currently seeing someone even better looking than before (who knew that it was even possible?). Now when we hold hands in public and the ladies swoon, I smile, and mean it. My guy is as handsome in the inside as he is on the outside. And I’m secure enough in my own strengths that his looks just aren’t an issue.

Dead Dating Life?

If you are sitting at home on a Saturday night browsing internet dating profiles instead of out engaging in a little social flirt fest, you are probably also cursing your luck for not handing you a gorgeous date (and a hot new outfit to go with, I mean, as long as you are wishing for things).

Well, cut it out. Seriously. Not to lecture or anything, but blaming the cosmos for the fact that you are not wining and dining is essentially the least productive thing you can do. I am not pointing fingers (okay, yes, I am) but chances are, you have no one to fault but yourself. But never fret, weary romantic wanderers, it is probably a quick fix and you will be on your way to make-out town in no time.

Single Situation #1: You Are Waiting instead of Dating

So you are reading this while home alone on a Saturday night, which means that you are home, by yourself, on a weekend night. And you are not too happy about it. Listen, not having a date is no excuse for not having fun. Moreover, how are you going to meet people who might ask you out if you stay home all the time?

You have heard of dressing for success, right? Social situations are no different. You are not going to meet anyone dressed in sweatpants, no matter how comfy they are when you are parked on the couch. Time to get your ass moving, put on something amazing and get out there to be seen. Join your friends, live it up, and someone is sure to notice that you are the life of the party.

Single Situation #2: Hard to Get is not just Playtime

It is all fine and dandy to consciously decide to NOT be too easy and over eager. Actually I advise it. A little social strategy and game playing is a good thing; after all, they are part of surviving the modern dating jungle.

Unfortunately if you play hard to get long enough, without bending the rules, you are going to end up becoming that person. Instead of being coy, you will be viewed as disinterested.

It is one thing to not throw yourself at every person who shows you attention (this will probably make them want you more) but it is quite another to act like you are not interested at all and to keep acting like that. This will make them think, gasp!, that you are REALLY not interested and then the pursuit is over.

Single Scenario 3: You Think You Know it All

Not only do you think you have men all figured out, you are sure you could write a book about their innermost psychological workings! And all that after five minutes of conversation! You have received, and rejected, dates left and right simply because you just “know” that these are not the guys for you.

This is going to be a bit of a blow to your ego, so hang on to your hat. You are wrong; you do not know it all. Though you claim that all “the good ones are taken”, it is only because you dismiss them out of hand. It is the people reading skills you are so proud of that are keeping you from meeting anyone interesting. And they are also standing in the way of someone interesting getting to know you.

The Second Date; Make The Most Out Of It

As much as I love first dates, I’m so over them. All that build up, all that pressure, the uncomfortable footwear; it’s all a big fuss over what is really just one night of your life. There are literally billions of articles written about first dates, and yet I don’t think it is the most important date.

It’s definitely special; this is where first impressions are made and hopefully the first sparks fly. And the legendary third date is where, according to tradition, you let your new sweetie see your sexy under things. Of course, nowadays it’s altogether possible that that magic moment happened at any time, from pre-first date until your wedding night. But still, I think we all continue to get the third date rush.

The outing in between those two events, the sweet second date, gets the shaft most of the time. No one pays attention to this night but really, I think this is where the gold is at, Think about it: you’re slightly more at ease and less nerve-ridden than you were on the first date but the overwhelming thoughts of sex are (maybe) waiting until the next time you go out (for the record, I’m not a huge rules girl, I’m just using the whole third-date-sex thing as an example), but it’s still so early in the relationship that you’re completely excited and everything is still brand new.

The second date is the sweet spot. You want to make sure you make the most of this underappreciated occasion read on for a handy checklist:

Put your listening ears on

It’s time to put your listening ears on. Since you’re out with this person a second time, you obviously made a good impression on the first date. You can let go of the nervousness and put your brain back into gear. Start by focusing more on being genuinely interested in your new sweetie and less on making yourself look amazing. This is your opportunity to learn more about your date and watch him or her become a more complete person.

Flirt it up

It’s actually important that you do (not to make flirting seem like a super serious matter or anything crazy like that); date number two is where too many people slip into the friend zone. If you appear to be sincerely interested in what your date is saying and laughing at their jokes and obviously enjoy their company but there are pretty much no sexual undertones to the evening, your date is going to think you just want to be friends.

If that’s not what you want, remember what details of interactions separate friends from lovers and play those up. Make sure your intentions are clear.

Never mind the boxes

This is no time for preconceptions. Not about yourself, the other person or even this fledging relationship. Let’s face it you’ve only been out together once, so you don’t know who this person is yet. Nor do they have any real idea of who you are. Your “relationship”, if it could even be called that, is way too new to be put into a neatly labeled box.

Keeping The Fun In Your Relationship

No matter how wonderful things are when you begin a relationship, it’s inevitable that a relationship will, over time, lose some of its newness and its sparkle. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to lose all of its fun.

When things stop being fun between you and your partner, it can be difficult to get back on track. Though you may still see yourselves as lovers and as partners, when you stop seeing each other as friends you stop enjoying each other. There’s no way to keep any relationship 100% for the remainder of your lives, but there are ways to keep it from becoming boring and stale.

Has the fun dried up in your relationship? Then you need to keep reading for some tips on keeping things enjoyable and fresh between the two of you.

Explore new things together

It’s happened to all of us at one time or another. You meet somebody new at an internet dating site, perhaps, fall in love, and feel like you can’t get enough of each other. But over time, that excitement begins to fade away. You fall into a rut. And before you know it you can’t climb out. The truth is, it’s all too easy to fall into a relationship rut. You eat at the same places all the time, you see the same people, and you walk the same ground again and again. When you don’t have new experiences together, your relationship tends to stagnate.

Sharing new experiences isn’t just about swapping your Friday night dinner at your usual restaurant for another eatery, nor is it about seeing new people. It’s about discovering new things together. Whether you travel to and explore a new city on foot, take a cooking class, go to a wine tasting or explore all the different ethnic restaurants in your town, the fun is in discovering together. You’ll grow as a couple forging a stronger bond and have fun in the process.

Ban monotony from the bedroom

Though you might not like to think about it, there comes a time in every relationship when sex becomes boring and routine no matter how attracted you are to your partner. But humans have been having sex for thousands of years, so there is bound to be something new that you haven’t sampled yet. Now is the time to make a commitment to exploring your sexuality and discovering new sensations together. This is one journey of discovery that will definitely not be boring!

Have your alone time

Some of us have a really hard time justifying alone time when we are in a happy and fulfilling relationship. After all, we love our partner and we should want to be with them all the time, right? Wrong! Pursuing your own interests and getting together with your own friends are only two of the things that will enhance your relationship. Alone time gives you the opportunity to let your hair down. It will also make you miss your partner. Just think of all the making up you can do when you see each other again!

Dating each other

This is another great way to fight falling into that nearly-inevitable relationship rut. Don’t get too comfortable and assume that your relationship will maintain itself. Because it won’t! Just because you’ve been dating somebody for a long time doesn’t mean you don’t need to try anymore. Going out on dates will remind the both of you that what you have is special and needs to be maintained. It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy; just make sure you set aside a time every week or every month just for you and your partner. It’s bound to make you a stronger couple.

This article was developed by the staff of the Datepad.com free internet dating company where you can find thousands of helpful dating articles.

Thinking About Living Together? Maybe Not!

At the start of your new dating or internet dating relationship, your blossoming romance makes you all starry eyed. You’re both showing your best side, sex is wonderfully new and hot, and your skeletons are still safely stowed in the closet, gathering dust.

Time marches on and you are spending more time together, getting to know each other. Provided the stars are lining up in your favor, you are becoming more and more secure about your new sweetie’s feelings for you. Hand in hand with that confidence is the courage to begin revealing the more uneven parts of you; remember the dusty skeletons?

It’s all a wonderful exploratory road trip complete with sweet twists and turns. As a couple, you create more intimacy and familiarity with each other. You will also discover some unpleasant things about your partner and some may even be a deal breaker. C’est la vie!

Plan to be Annoyed

Remember when you moved in with your best friend from college not long after you graduated? You’d known each other for four long, studious years, figured you knew all about each other and were positive that you would be terrific roommates.

Here’s a brutal news flash; when at home people are different animals. All of us are. Home is where we drop our pretenses. It’s where we let our hair down. The publicly neat and courteous person turns into a total slob in their own castle. And if you live in that castle, you will feel the effects. If you haven’t yet reached the point of unconditional acceptance as in I promise not to scream and yell when you leave the toilet seat up, it’s too early to think about moving in together.

Your Independence

When you’re living alone you keep the hours you want. You never have to share the remote, practice your trumpet at 3 am, and dance around the house naked without the slightest shade of self conscience. However, if you’re uncomfortable dancing like a wild thing in front of someone, with clothes or without, it’s too early to think about moving in together.

You can forget about that constant parade of friends through the front door and your seemingly endless private time will become a thing of the past. Once you’re living with someone, you’ll have to take their comfort into account.

It can be tempting to run head first into a domestic future with someone you’re happy with. Visions of morning coffee, anytime sex, maybe marriage, perhaps children can all be overwhelming thoughts that play our heartstrings into forgetting all sense of, well, common sense. Because common sense (and a few failed co-habitation ventures) would remind all of us that morning coffee can quickly turn into banal routine, constantly available romps can easily squash that carnal urge, and that a sudden leap into the future can make you regret not fully experiencing your single days.

The reality is that living with a lover can be unglamorous and unromantic. I’m not saying it’s bad; it can be amazing and lovely! But before you share and address you need to make sure you have a solid level of compatibility. One that goes beyond the stars in your eyes.

This article was written by the writers of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can read hundreds of professional dating articles.

Having A Great Time When Your Boyfriend Is Out Of Town

One of the lovely things about being in a new relationship is the point when it becomes not so new. When youre familiar with each others neuroses and routines and have probably even developed quite a few habits and routines of your own. Its nice. At a certain point, you start to let go (to varying degrees, depending on how you operate) of parts of your single self and merge into couple mode.

It can come as a bit of a shock when you’re sweetie goes out of town for a few days. If you’re used to him being around a lot, those few days without him may make you wonder what to do with yourself. That doesn’t mean you’re dependent and can’t function on your own; it just means your routine has been thrown for a loop. Besides, you love ‘em so you miss ‘em.

Fear not, friends. This can actually be a serious glass-half-full situation. There are more good things than you think that come with being alone for a while mid-relationship. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

Being “ugly”

This is THE perfect time to wear what you want. Forget about shaving your legs for a few days (total bliss by the way). And remember the super comfy comfort clothes left over from your single days? Yeah, the ones that make your butt look two feet wide. Put ‘em on; there’s no one around to see how you look.

Looking your best takes time and effort. Not having to look your best is just plain relaxing! The relaxation of few days of “I have to look super hot” downtime will leave you looking even more ravishing (is that possible?) when your partner comes home.

You time

You know how it goes: you start spending tons of time at the other persons place and suddenly you havent watered your plants, gone to the farmers market, done laundry in two weeks or paid your credit card bill. Its too easy sometimes to get caught up in a lovers haze. Its wonderful but it leaves lots of little things undone. This is an excellent time to catch up on all of that. Youll feel totally together and less stressed when your beloved gets back in town.

Practice having a long distance relationship

With one of you out of town, your normal romance tactics just aren’t going to work. It’s time to change this up a bit. Ever wondered how long distance relationships work? Now’s your chance to find out.

Your sweetie will be thinking of nothing but you if you initiate a naughty phone call just before he goes to bed. If crooning sexy come ons over the phone isn’t your thing, send a few sexy photos of yourself (nothing x-rated!) to his email address. For a touch of old fashioned romance, send a letter to his hotel.

Rediscover your friends

Bit of a no brainer really. Your friends are seeing far less of you, and they miss you. Let’s hope you haven’t cut them off all together because you may find yourself getting a less than friendly reception. Spending time with your bosom buddies while your other half is out of town is a great way to pass the time.

Three Things You Never Talk About On A First Date

When creating an internet dating profile it’s all about putting your best cyber-foot forward. All your wit, charm and intelligence wrapped up in a few paragraphs. So why is it that people who can write such great dating profiles cannot seem to carry that same editing over to actual “live” dating?

Perhaps its the hormones. Those silly chemicals, making us all nervous and happy and giggly and, oh yeah, completely (apparently) incapable of discerning what constitutes appropriate dating conversation.

I’m not talking about appropriate in the sense of what is right and what is wrong. There is no right or wrong. Provided you are yourself and take things as they come, you have probably figured out what works for you and what doesn’t.

Having said that, appropriate first date conversations are ones that, like your internet dating profile, showcase you at your best. Unfortunately I’ve heard so many first date conversation horror stories I’m practically an expert. Trust me, verbal landmines are everywhere, and they’ll put a big black mark on what was an otherwise favorable first impression.

I present for you three things that you definitely should NOT talk about on a first date. I apologize if they seem obvious, but hey, remember the hormones? Perhaps if I write them down we can all memorize them and, hopefully, remember them come the next first date.

Previous Relationships

Talk about exes tops the list. It’s not only the most common first date conversational mistake one can make, it’s also the most harmful. It’s a given that most people have a dating and relationship history, that’s not an issue. Each of us has to decide for ourselves when we’ve healed enough from that previous relationship to start dating again.

Just because your last relationship breakup was a very painful one is no reason to bring it up on your first date with someone new. It’ll take your train off the rails before it even has a chance to leave the station. Things go wrong in a relationship, we all get that. But leave discussing it for the future, not the first date.

Your family

Save the drama for a later (much later!) date. First dates are about fun and cheerful. By all means talk about where your parents live and how many brothers and sisters you have. Don’t even think about mentioning Mom’s ongoing depression and Dad’s drug dependency. There’s no need to lie; just keep it positive. Bring it up now and you’ll only scare your date away by making him or her afraid of your family, and potentially of you.

Getting Married and Having Children

In a word, don’t! Ever! Under no circumstances should you talk about your deadline for getting married, what kind of person you want to marry, and the fact that you have your wedding details all planned; all that’s missing is the partner.

You will also NOT talk about how many babies you want to have and when you want to have them. Though not everyone is turned off by talk of babies, why risk it so early on? If this is meant to be there will be plenty of time for discussion later.

So those are the big three. Some experts advocate staying away from religion and politics; advice with which I disagree. Healthy adults should be able to have an intelligent and open conversation about both of these topics. If they’re too set in their ways or uptight about either, then ask yourself if you really want to date them.

It Doesn’t Matter How I Look, Does It?

Were we to live in a perfect world, the answer would be no. The reality is that the world we live in is far from perfect, and yes, appearances do matter! When it comes to dating, a pleasing appearance just might mean the difference between one date and an ongoing relationship.

Go stand in front of the mirror, preferably full length. If you were someone else, and saw someone who looked like you, would you want a closer look? If the answer is “no way”, it’s time to take action.

Cant remember when you last had a haircut? Then its been too long! Make an appointment with your hairdresser right now; and keep it!

Guys, start your razors! Whether you agree with it or not, unsightly body hair can be a real turnoff. Trim your beard and moustache regularly. Scruffy might be sexy when you’re on a canoe trip in the wilds, but back home, it just doesn’t cut it. Neither do untidy nails. Get out the nail clippers and trim them.

Ladies, you’re not going to turn anyone’s crank with visible underarm hair; it’s a turnoff, period. And even though shaving your legs is a chore we can all do without, chances are you’re going to want to take the time; and that includes your bikini line.

What you wear will depend on the date and where you’re going. While dressing up for dinner at a good restaurant will require one outfit, a walk around the lake will call for another. Whatever it is, it needs to be clean and pressed. Your date will not only think you look hot, he or she will also appreciate the fact that you care what they think.

If you want to stir things up a bit, wear fragrance. Keep this rule of thumb in mind; a fragrance should never enter the room before you and it should leave with you. In other words don’t overdo it. Keep it fresh and light. If your date has a fragrance allergy this is best avoided, unless you’re looking for an excuse to duck out early.

Looking good can take a bit of effort, but like the commercial says; you’re worth it. Knowing that you look good gives you an inner confidence that can’t help but show on the outside too.